Dipsomaniac
by HumanBarricade
Summary: Most of Harry Osborn's problems have been solved, right? Peter has to help him work through some more and deal with a new problem himself...Gwen. Set in what would have been post TASM3 events (whatever those would have been). Please let me know if you want me to continue this. T for language, drugs/alcohol, violence, and mild sexual themes later on.


_Chapter 1: Discoveries_

* * *

Peter Parker and Mary Jane had just come back from a perfect date. Not a single awkward moment had arisen nor had any villain decided to terrorize New York to interrupt them.

Peter walked Mary Jane home after the date not only because that it is what a gentlemen does, but also to steal one last kiss from her before the night ended. They reached the door to her apartment and said their goodbyes.

"Good night, Peter," Mary Jane seemed to sing with a soft voice.

"Good night, MJ," Peter replied before kissing her.

They then gazed into each other's eyes for a small moment before going their separate ways. Oh what a beautiful night it was. So beautiful in fact that Peter pulled on his mask and swung home as Spider-Man.

"This is the life," he told himself in a cliché manner as he swung in through an open window to his apartment.

"I've got a new girlfriend, cured Harry, Aunt May is visiting the Bahamas, and being Spidey has never been better," Peter assured himself as he took off his costume.

He then took a shower, brushed his teeth, finally deleted his dating profile, and dozed off into a nice peaceful sleep in his bed.

…

" _Peeeteerrr…_ " something eerily croaked from outside the bedroom door.

Peter jumped onto the ceiling and nearly screamed from the voice. He was shaking all over and even nearly wet himself.

"Okay, I'm Spider-Man. I can handle this…robber? Ghost?...please don't be a ghost," he whispered to himself.

" _Peter…where are you?_ " the voice continued.

"How do they know my name?" Peter whispered to himself again.

Suddenly Gwen Stacy poked her head _through_ the door to see Peter on the ceiling.

"Gwen?! WHAT THE FUCK? How are you-? What? Why?" Peter shrieked as he fell back into his bed.

"Peter! I don't remember you using such vulgar language," Gwen replied as she phased through the rest of the bedroom door.

"And I don't remember you being a ghost. Why are you here?" he asked while sitting up.

"My dad made me promise to help you before I fully enter the afterlife or whatnot. Honestly I spaced out through half of his spiel. Anyways, I'm here to tell you that you have to help Harry," she said in a nonchalant manner.

"That first part is too much for my brain to handle. Also Harry is perfectly fine," Peter said waving his hand dismissively.

"Oh really?" Gwen asked while twisting a strand of her hair. "Why don't you go check on him and tell me how 'fine' he is then?"

Peter groaned and sluggishly got up, put on his suit, and grabbed a backpack. He then opened his window and climbed through it.

"Can you follow me or-?" Peter tried to ask.

"Yes, I can fly now," Gwen interrupted while flying past him.

"Okay?" was all he could manage to say.

She gleefully flew alongside the swinging Spider-Man, who was very tired by the way, as they traveled to the lavish yet gloomy Osborn mansion. They entered through a locked window that Gwen phased through and Peter had to forcefully open with his spider strength.

They found Harry unconscious and pants less on the floor next to an empty bottle of scotch. Peter took off his mask and put on some street clothes that were in his backpack. Then he squatted down next to Harry and shook him.

"Harry, wake up. You need to put some pants on," he said, shaking Harry vigorously.

Harry moaned and slowly opened his eyes. As soon as he saw Peter's face he sat up and tried to scoot away.

"Oh, Peteeeer, what arrrrrre you dooooing heeere?" he slurred uncontrollably with a drooping grin.

"Ugh…Gwen, why did you have to be right?" Peter sighed as he bowed his head.

"Girls are always right, Peter. It's a scientifically proven fact," she replied with her hands on her hips, then stalked off to another room.

"And you, Harry. Why are you drunk?" he asked with his hands in the air.

"Meee, drunk? Phhssst," Harry giggled and flailed his hand with one eye closed.

"What happened to your pants?" Peter gestured to Harry, realizing how strange it was that his pants were missing.

"Theey're…oh," he replied as he looked down at himself. "I havve absooluetly no ideeea."

"You know what? I could care less right now. Once you're sober you can explain yourself," Peter said pointing his finger at Harry and finally giving up on asking him.

Harry smiled for no reason and attempted to stand up. Unfortunately his legs were like jello and would not allow this. Instead he began to fall until Peter quickly grabbed his arm, preventing him from hitting his head on a glass table.

"You're so drunk that you can't stand up? You're definitely going to bed mister. Tomorrow is going to suck so badly for you. Hopefully it'll make you not want to drink anymore," Peter told Harry while placing his arm over his shoulder so he could walk him to his bedroom.

"That sounds great," Harry laughed.

Peter rolled his eyes and half walked, half dragged Harry to his room. He set Harry on his bed and rummaged through his dresser for pajama pants.

"Peter!" Gwen suddenly yelled out of nowhere.

"What?!" Peter yelled back after successfully jumping up onto the ceiling for a second time.

"Who is this Mary Jane girl that's been texting you?" Gwen asked while waving around Peter's phone.

"How did you get my phone?" he asked back as he landed on the floor and groped his front pants pocket.

"Ghost powers," she replied with a grin.

"Of course, how else? If you must know, she's my new girlfriend," Peter replied while struggling to put pants on an unconscious Harry.

"WHAT?! _New_ girlfriend? I thought that you were going to wait for me, Peter," Gwen screamed in a fit of rage and jealousy. She seemed to be on the verge of breaking into tears.

"Wait for you? You're dead, Gwen. Besides, don't you want me to be happy?" Peter gestured to himself.

"Yes, but not with…her," Gwen growled and cringed at the thought.

"What's so bad about MJ anyways?" he asked while walking to Harry's kitchen.

"She's…," Gwen paused to think and scratched her chin. Suddenly a certain special lie popped into her head as a maniacal smirk crossed her lips. "She's stupid, Peter. Have you seen her grades?"

"How do you even know her?" Peter asked with a skeptical look while filling up a few glasses of water.

"Well I found pictures of her on your phone and it turns out that she's the same Mary Jane that went to middle school with me. Man was she dumb. Probably got held back at least twice," Gwen spat as she pointed to the phone.

Peter sighed and walked back to Harry's room and set the three glasses on Harry's nightstand.

"You know what I think? You're jealous," he finally said with a smirk and shoved his finger at her face for effect.

"Jealous? HA, of course not. Blondes are genetically superior. She has nothing compared to me," she said flipping her blonde locks trying to convince herself more than Peter.

"I haaaave to peeeee," Harry mumbled/ unknowingly interrupted tiredly.

"I'll help you to the bathroom but you'll have to do the rest on your own, Har," Pete replied.

"Ughh, okaaay," he sighed trying to sit himself up.

Peter practically dragged Harry to the toilet and left him in the bathroom. He also closed the door, obviously.

"Your friend is really a drunken mess," Gwen stated with her arms folded.

"I can tell. I just can't figure out why. His dad died and he was kind of miserable after that, but mostly because of his disease. Then I cured him by-"

"Who cares how he was cured? I don't need a long explanation about that even though it would probably benefit the story," Gwen interjected.

"Whatever. My point is that he's cured, has his house back, his company back, and doesn't hate me anymore. I don't understand why he's drinking," he said while pacing back and forth in deep thought.

"Maybe he's really lonely," she suggested with a shrug.

"Harry, lonely? He has me the best friend ever, who is also Spider-Man," Peter gestured to himself imagining a 'friend of the year' award ceremony.

A famous person, probably a rapper, handed him a large golden trophy with his name engraved into it with cursive writing. Everyone was chanting his name and congratulating him. Harry was in tears, joyful ones, and threw away all of his alcohol.

"No, I mean he needs a girlfriend," Gwen said bringing Peter back into reality.

"Oh, that would explain it. Finding a girl shouldn't be tough for him. Finding a girl who doesn't like him just for him money and fame, however, is another story," Peter admitted while pursing his lips.

"So should we help him find a female friend?" she asked tapping her fingers together excitedly.

"No, that never works. Whenever friends interfere with someone's love life it always goes horribly wrong. It's happened in every cartoon I've seen," he replied, remembering all those Disney sitcoms.

"Cartoons? This is a fan-fiction, Peter," Gwen stated as she gestured at the room.

"A what-what?" Peter asked raising an eyebrow.

''Oh, um, I mean real life," she quickly corrected, sucking air through her teeth.

"Ahh, I thought you said fiction for a minute there," he said smiling.

"No, that was just some fancy term I learned at Oxford," she replied, nervously stroking her hair.

"Oxford and their fancy terms," Peter said while shaking his head.

"Someone really needs to fix the fourth wall," Gwen whispered as she turned away from Peter.

"Is it just me or has Harry been in the bathroom for way too long?" he asked while walking over to the door.

Peter knocked on the door and asked, "Harry, are you all right in there?"

"Yeaah, I just caaan't find myy hairbruuush," Harry replied, his voice slightly muffled by the door.

Peter opened the door to find Harry fumbling through his bathroom drawers. The hairbrush was, for some odd reason, on the floor behind him.

"Har, it's behind you," Peter physically pointed out.

"Thaaanks," he said and picked it up.

He then brushed his hair and staggered back to his bed. Peter was puzzled about the hair bushing, but shrugged it off.

"Can yooouu reeeead me a bedtiiime storyy?" Harry asked in a child-like manner as he crawled into bed.

"Harry, you're almost twenty-four and don't need bedtime stories anymore. And that rhymed," Peter replied while pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Buutthooole," he scoffed and then instantly fell asleep.

"Drunk people are weird," Peter told himself nodding his head.

Peter and Gwen then left Harry's house and traveled back to Peter's apartment. Peter yawned as he entered his room and noticed that is was 2 o'clock in the morning.

"Ugh, it's good that I don't have work in the morning," he mumbled as he put his PJs back on.

A thought suddenly struck him as he looked back at Gwen.

"What are you going to do now, Gwen?" Peter asked.

"I can't leave until Harry is permanently not a drunk so I guess I'm staying with you," Gwen squealed and hugged Peter.

"Okay, so do ghosts sleep?" he asked awkwardly prying her off. He was surprised that he could pry her off.

"No," Gwen replied bluntly.

"That makes this a lot easier," he sighed wiping his forehead.

"I could snuggle you while you sleep, though," she said threatening to hug him again.

"I have a girlfriend, Gwen. Plus you're a ghost," he said while pushing her away.

"Fine! I'll just continue snooping through your phone all night," Gwen replied angrily and stormed off.

Peter shook his head with a dorky smile and situated himself in his bed.

"At least I don't keep super private or inappropriate things on there," he yawned before dozing off.

* * *

 **This story has been siting on my computer for a while and I figured why not post it? I have all this stuff planned out for it. I'm just not sure if I want to write it, though. Let me know what you think. Reviews are greatly appreciated!**


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